Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
