i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
