what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
