I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
