have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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