Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
