Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize