I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
