I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
