I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
