the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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