There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
