She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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