How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
