Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
