so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
