So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
