My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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