Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
