Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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