Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
