Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
