Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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