I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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