I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
