we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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