You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we're so committed to being not committed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
