I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
