Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
