isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
