If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
