The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize