he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
