Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
