3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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