I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
