1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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