i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
third nipple confirmed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
