you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
