Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
