It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
