No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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