Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
