Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
