The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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