i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
