I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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