im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
