i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We talked him into tasing himself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
