and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
