they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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