y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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