I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
