the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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