I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
