I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
