Pregnant stripper...not hot.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
