i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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