i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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