Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
