The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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